Unless they’ve been in a car with me, most people don’t know that I am vision impaired. I wasn’t born with bad eyesight. My vision has deteriorated over time due to a condition called keratoconus, which generally begins to affect a person in their early 20s. It was years before I went to see a specialist about my eyes and, when I was tested, the condition had already progressed far enough that I was classified as being legally blind.
But before I visited the ophthalmologist that day, I honestly had no idea that I couldn’t see.
I remember the doctor asking why I hadn’t sought help when my eyesight had deteriorated to the point where I could no longer read street signs. I replied that I thought this was to be expected because I had been a law student for 5 years and then a lawyer for another 5 years, so spend most of my time reading. Instead of seeking help, I just bought a GPS and continued on as normal.
He asked why I didn’t see a doctor when I noticed my eyes would water so often. I told him that I figured it was an allergy to certain brands of eye makeup, and so threw the eyeliner in the bin and carried on.
No matter what the symptom of my condition was, I had an excuse for why it was there and/or a way to still function without the need to ask for help. The doctor was baffled by my failure to seek medical attention and worse, to even recognise there was a problem.
And maybe you are a little baffled too.
The Gradual Progression of Blindness
If I am honest, though, then the way I dealt with my vision problems is often the same as the way we deal with our sin. If I had gone to sleep one night with 20/20 vision and woken the next day unable to see the time on my phone, then of course I would have sought help immediately. But because my condition is one that progresses gradually, it was easy to ignore the effect it was having on my eyesight overall.
In the same way, it is often the “small” sins that “don’t really count” that we are able to ignore and/or explain away. The little white lie. The whispered gossip. The occasional broken promise or broken confidence. The giving in to pride. Each of them small concessions, easy to ignore and even easier to justify. Each of them insignificant enough that we can convince ourselves that they don’t really matter.
But in the same way that failing to see a doctor about the slight, regular weakening of my eyes led to the dramatic result of me being blind without even realising it, failing to repent and seek forgiveness can and will have similar alarming consequences.
Big sins might make you blind, but chances are you will notice and ask for help. Small sins make you blind too. They often operate on those of us who can ignore them because we’re not committing “big” sins against life or chastity. That’s why small sins are even more dangerous than big ones. They stealthily weave their way into our lives, so that we can go years without knowing we’re blind.
But the story doesn’t end there.
In the same way that as soon as I sought medical attention, my wonderful, gifted ophthalmologist was able to prescribe corrective lenses that have restored my eyesight, the Divine Physician waits eagerly to remove my blindness and yours and restore us to full vision in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
It’s Lent, in the Extraordinary Jubilee Year of Mercy. There’s no better time to go!
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